Niddah – Traditional Practice and Modern Rethinking

Today I want to talk about the traditional practice and practicalities of niddah, and then brainstorm about how someone could draw upon the practice and potentially modify and update it to suit their own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.

First, let’s review how someone enters the status of niddah and explain how one then leaves the status of niddah and becomes “tehora”. A person will enter the status of niddah at the first sighting of uterine blood that is not caused by injury. Generally this will be the equivalent of starting menstruation, but the explainer page on Yoatzot (an excellent resource for all of this, by the way) shares other ways someone can become niddah as well.

After a minimum of four days, they can perform an internal examination called a “bedikah” or a “hefsek taharah”, which involves inserting a white cotton cloth into the vagina, swiping it around, and checking to make sure there is no more blood. Once again, there is a page on Yoatzot explaining this process. This bedikah must be completed before sundown in order to start counting seven days on the next day. If on each of the next seven days a bedikah shows that there is no more bleeding, then they can go to immerse in a mikveh. After immersion, they are considered tehorah and thus no longer are in a status of niddah.

So far in this blog, I’ve only briefly touched on what it means to be in a status of niddah, and for previous posts, the most important thing to note is that someone in niddah is halachically forbidden from having sex. In fact, to my understanding, that is the only type of contact that is forbidden by torah. But, as is the case in many aspects of our tradition, rabbinic liturgy actually lists many other things that someone may not do with their partner while in a status of niddah. These include, but are not limited to:

• Any form of touching, including kissing, hugging, cuddling, etc. This prohibition on touching can include touching each other non-sexually, through the clothes, or passing objects to each other.
• Eating alone together without a physical reminder of niddah status
• Sharing plates of food
• Performing acts of “affectionate service” for each other, including pouring each other drinks, or drawing a bath for the other partner
• Sleeping in the same bed

The lists of restrictions can get even broader and more exhaustive. The general idea is to not only prevent sexual intercourse during a status of niddah, but in fact to avoid doing anything that may lead (however indirectly) to sexual intercourse. There’s an idea in many areas of halacha that we must “build fences” around the Torah in order to make sure we’re following its laws. In the case of niddah practice, it feels to me as if we’ve built fences around those fences.

As someone who did not grow up in a home where these traditions were followed, and who does not see halacha as inherently binding, many of these restrictions feel like overkill to me. That is not me passing judgment on anyone who finds these practices meaningful, but an acknowledgment that I personally would not find meaning in them. Instead, I want to draw on the framing I presented in my last post. For me, someone should first think about what they want their “focus” to be during their state of niddah, and then think of what their “focus” will be when they are tehora. This can and will look different from individual to individual. In fact, the reason that this post has taken so long for me to put up is because I’m still figuring out what this will mean to me.

For now, I’m experimenting with the idea of focusing on self care and individuality during my time as niddah, and focusing on my marriage and partnership during my time as tehora. As a new mom, I’ve noticed that my sense of self and my sense of partnership have both taken a back seat as I navigate what my life is now. My son will be 5 months old in a couple weeks, and I’m only just now getting out of the “newborn haze” stage of life. I’m hoping that my experimentation with niddah will allow me to embrace my new life for all that it is while staying grounded in the foundations I set up for myself before my son was born.

In upcoming posts, I’ll continue to put forth some ideas of how people can embody the separation of niddah and tehora in their own way. Since I’m essentially coming up with an entirely new definition and concept for niddah, this will likely end up being very difficult to do, but I hope I can post a bit more regularly while I continue to brainstorm. In the meantime, if you’d like to get in touch with any of your ideas, you can always email me at jennie@naturalniddah.com .